Volume 13 – #6 – June 2010
LIFE GOES ON, AND OTHER CLICHES. A train is wailing in the distance. It’s a sound that comes with the territory if you live anywhere near downtown Denton. It especially cuts through the night air. And to no one’s surprise it’s a lonely sound; one that represents something moving on, not staying in one place; rolling down the track, literally, into the darkness; into the unknown. My mother died a week ago and was laid to rest today next to my father, in a cemetery crypt, right outside their beloved Texarkana, Texas. Her name was Emma Finch. She was 84. About a year after my father died, which was in 2004, she moved to swinging Denton and lived just blocks from Jane and me in a groovy duplex for seniors until the need for 24-hour care took over. She and her cat, Moushie, then dutifully moved to a nifty assisted-living apartment and everything was sorta cool (but also getting progressively sadder and scarier) for about seven months. Then one morning she had a massive stroke and everything changed dramatically and quickly. That was in early February of this year. In a matter of minutes, or rather, seconds, she lost use of her right side, and could no longer speak or swallow. Although Mother had left a clear directive that a feeding tube was a no-no, there was a chance that using one temporarily might help her build up the strength to re-learn how to swallow, at least. My father even did it once. But Mother was just too damaged by the stroke and after four and a half months of hanging on to almost nothing, she finally had to let go. Being one of her only two children (myself and my brother, Jim), this kind of thing makes me think a lot about a lot of things. I already think too much, even on normal days when nothing particularly life-altering is happening. But it doesn’t matter what I think right now. Today was about her and I believe she would have enjoyed it. A surprising number of folks showed up, including several of her still-quite feisty friends, some older than she was. All in all it was a pretty “up” event and everyone hung around so long at the cemetery that bouncers finally had to be brought in to clear the area so Mother could be sealed away. And I think she would have been on the side of the cemetery here. When the party is over, it’s over and time to move on. She always preferred a casual, hassle-free approach to everything; a no-nonsense “get it done and move on” kind of person. She loved Brave Combo, but if success and prosperity hadn’t been part of the BC picture I’m not sure our music would have been enough to sustain that love. Both parents tolerated my creative ambitions way back to my first rock band in the seventh grade. I wouldn’t say they were always encouraging beyond the weekly piano lessons early in my life, but they never, ever got in the way. They trusted me, almost never questioned what or why, and just let me do my thing. They rarely complained when I would record late at night in my room at home and would buy or help me buy guitars and amps and stuff. A similar thing happened with my brother. When he was in high school he started hanging out at the local TV station. It could be anytime, day or night, didn’t matter to Mother and Daddy. In fact, we were both pretty good kids and actually could be trusted to use the best judgment teenagers could muster. So, I guess it all worked out, except that the two people who brought me into this world are both gone; riding that train into the unknown. Now what?
Oh Carl, I’m so sorry to hear that news. I hope you know there are a lot of people thinking about you and your family and we all send you a lot of love. She will always be right there with you in your memories and in your heart.
Carl,
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Your words put it all in very good perspective.
Now what? You keep on doing what you do so well – as a tribute to your folks – and as an inspiration to those of us who strive to put the notes in the right order.
Mister Joe
Carl,
From a fan of your music from many years ago, my condolences at the passing of your mother, and my prayers for God’s peace to you in the days ahead. As a believer in Christ, crucified and risen again from the dead, I take great comfort in these words…
“Inasmuch then as the children have become partakers of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and release those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.” (Hebrews 2:14-15)
Pastor Randall J. Smith
Bethlehem Lutheran Church,
North Zulch, TX
Carl,
Sorry to hear about the death of your mother. My mom died last year and dad almost 10 years ago. I still find myself thinking about them and even talking to them and I find comfort in that. Your parents will always be there with you in your heart.
Having seen you play and been a long time fan of your music, I know that you’ve got a big heart. You bring pleasure and comfort to many people every day.
Take care.
Tom
Carl,
All the best from our family to yours. I happened to attend a
BC show on a night away from my mother’s bedside when
she was in the long process of dying, and your music (and your and
Jeffrey’s kind words) were a great help at that time. Keep doing what
you do. It makes people happy and for that, I’m certain your mother
was proud.
Best,
Martin
Carl,
So sorry to read this news. What a beautiful tribute you’ve written here.
I miss seeing you and BC–it’s been awhile.
I hope all your good memories of your mom help you through the days ahead.
Best to you and Jane,
Amy
Carl, sad to hear your sadness and of your mother’s passing. Death is the downside of this life. Though it’s good people don’t live forever with their illnesses and troubles. Did you ever see that movie where Lionel Barrymore tricks Death into getting trapped in his apple tree and nobody dies? Wonderful movie they show on TCM. You and your brother certainly were blessed with parents who supported you and your “crazy” ways…hehehe.. I’m glad they helped you to be successful. A nice tribute you have written about your mother (and father). Thanks again for your giving and caring that you do. Peace and comfort, to you and your family. God Bless you, love and Shalom. James in Frisco Tx
I am so very sorry. Losing my Mother 15 years ago, and my dad some years before that, let’s me know that this hurts like hell. So many questions we forgot to ask, so many moments we still want to share. I still hear their voices from within during times of doubt or crisis, offering comfort and wisdom. Do they still walk with us? I like to think so. It may be just all the love and teaching they provided emerges at the needed time; they live on in us.
Love and hugs to you, my dear friend.
Just read this entry. Sorry to hear about your Mom Carl.
Carl , I sent a sympathy card to you and Jane . You and I spoke about the loss of my dear friend , Elayne Zorn[BFFS for 33 yrs] and by sad coincidence also on June 22 . Your words that night and the music were very comforting . When my Mom[Julia] , had passed on in February of 2002 , I saw the band here in Houston a few months after and each one of the band members gave me a big hug . I called and asked Bubba if we could use his version of , “Ave Maria” at her memorial service and he graciously agreed . My Dad [Popo Chuy] is 94 and every day he prays the powers that are in charge , take him to join my Mom . At present he is in the hospital , and was willing to call a taxi to bring him home . He is dong much better and I hope he will be home by the early part of next week . I miss having him here with me . Abrazos y blessings to you and your loved ones…Lupe Rivera and Fred R. Garza .