Volume 3 – #6 – June 2000

June 2000 is here. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can complain about it. You can deny it. You can put it on a pedestal and marvel at it, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s here as long as there is even just one person marking time by the calendar as we know it. So, can we put an end to this debate? June is here. But it won’t last long. Soon it will be October 2000, then suddenly, February 2012. Although this is potentially depressing, it doesn’t have to be. Time passing is better than time not passing. That’s called a coma and it’s usually not a good thing. June means the beginning of summer, hot weather, more skin showing and more angry drivers. We tour mainly during the summer and see lots of angry drivers. When I’m home I see squirrels and birds in my yard, taunting my dogs. Today I saw a mockingbird picking on a young squirrel. It would be cool if we had flying squirrels picking on pigeons. Nothing too violent, of course. Recently, I was riding my bike a couple of blocks from my house and almost ran over a tarantula. It was a big one. It’s not that unusual to see them on the roads in Denton about dusk and they can move fast. I got off the bike to get a closer look and to be sure I didn’t run over it and it ran toward me. I think it recognized me and wanted to hang out and talk about polkas, but I had to be on my way. So I jumped back quickly, hopped on my bike and felt excited about the encounter. I like spiders. As long as I know they won’t bite me, they can, literally, hang out at my house. Some spiders have lived on my ceiling for weeks. Slugs are interesting, but I don’t want one crawling across my face. And I don’t want worms in my bed, especially tapeworms. I don’t feel too bad about killing tapeworms. Dogs can get tapeworms from eating grub worms. Do you like to eat raisins? I buy fresh olives a lot. Some dried olives look like big raisins. It would be funny to have a fancy raisin party and serve dried olives instead and watch eveyone’s face. No it wouldn’t. Hey, speaking of tapeworms and stuff, how come we hear so much about spring break on TV these days? You know, shirtless, beefed-up guys getting drunk and going “woo woo,” while high school and college girls get drunk and take their clothes off. People are in a crowd, simulating sexual activities with each other as they drink and drink, until one hapless soul decides to decapitate himself and everyone in the crowd passes his head around like a bloody bowl and eats his brain without even cooking it. And the prettiest really drunk girl takes out his eyeballs and puts them over her nipples while she dances funny. Of course everyone else is too drunk to laugh. I see this on MTV 24 hours a day. And how many times can you see sexy coeds get wild and crazy and vomit in each other’s mouth? It’s not even interesting anymore. And why do they have to go to Jamaica for this? Why not just do this in the parking lot at Walmart? Then, at least, Walmart could run a special spring break promotion and have sales on tapeworms and vomit and beautiful, shiny trashcans. The friendly, helpful, sympathetic sales clerks could pass out used semen-filled condoms to people that are too drunk to stand up. And they could surround the lot with port-a-potties. But don’t get me talking about port-a-potties. Speaking of eating, people do it in public all the time. Isn’t this just a little strange? The only place it’s truly cool to go to the bathroom in public is at spring break parties. You know what I mean? “Woo woo, baby, let’s rock!”

Ducks are birds that swim better than they fly. But they do both better than we do, unless some idiot shoots them out of the sky. How screwed up can something get? I saw a man at a park feeding bread to a bunch of ducks. The man and the ducks were sharing a friendly moment. It was somewhere in Texas or Utah. Did anyone else see this? I wish ducks had the power and, frankly, the desire to shop for hats. This is too complicated to even imagine. Well, maybe not. Let’s see. Of course, it would probably have to be souvenir shops or craft stores. They would be the only places selling little hats.

Brave Combo Confidential: Do you ever wonder about the wild side of Brave Combo? Are you curious about what goes on in the Donut (van/bus thing) as we pull out of town? Are you tempted to crash the late night parties at our hotels? I can tell you this. We are needy creatures just like you and our needs must be fulfilled. Snacking after midnight is normal for us. Vending machines and ice machines rock. Sometimes the lights don’t go off until after 5:00 AM. We’re a walking, talking sin town and proud of it. Bonnie cleans the bathroom in her hotel room with disinfectant pretty much right off the bat. Danny plugs in his computer and checks emails and calls the office for messages. I call home and marvel at how much stuff I hauled to my room. Jeff immediately flips on the TV, as does Alan. Bubba brushes his teeth. Many years ago we might meet in someone’s room and play poker. For some reason, that stopped and left me with plenty of time to videotape bugs congregating in the light outside my door. Recently Bubba, Bonnie and I went to a cheesy little casino near Shreveport, Louisiana and a policeman made us leave because Bonnie was too young. He obviously didn’t recognize us. I did win a couple of dollars, though. Bonnie’s new name is “Jailbait” Norris.

We would like to congratulate the Brave Combo Cardinals, the little league baseball team we sponsor. They came in first place in the Denton Boys Baseball Bronco division. Heed Ye the power of polka!

Check out the new CD, BOMBA 2000, by Hermanos Rosario. Merengues, merengues, merengues!

Come out to our shows this month. Okay? We’re playing in Kansas City, Waco, Wichita, Arlington, Dallas, Ft. Worth, Corsicana, etc. Check our itinerary for details. And if you do come out, make your friends come, too. Threaten them if you have to. And don’t forget to buy our CDs and things. And if you go on vacation this summer, take our music with you. Immeasurable joy will overtake you. Happy traveling, even if you’re just going from the couch to the refrigerator. It’s time to live it up (reread Brave Combo Confidential). Life is too short, unless it’s unbearably long. No matter what, polkas are still the answer.

POLKA ALERT

BOYCOTT ALL PEPSI PRODUCTS AND ANY ESTABLISHMENT OWNED BY PEPSICO. THEY ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING A NATIONAL TELEVISION AD IMPLYING THAT POLKA MUSIC IS STUPID. THIS IS A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY FOR ALL WHO CARE ABOUT STOPPING THE PERPETUATION OF THIS STEREOTYPE TO BECOME VOCAL. GET HARDCORE. GET AGGRESSIVE. THERE IS GREAT POWER IN TRUE PASSION. THE CURRENT MTV GENERATION HASN’T BEEN EXPOSED TO AS MUCH POLKA BASHING AS THE PREVIOUS TWO. THEY ARE ALSO, BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE, QUITE IMPRESSIONABLE. PEPSI IS USING ITS MASSIVE MONEY TO INFLUENCE YOUNG PEOPLE TO, ONCE AGAIN, BELIEVE THAT THEY SHOULD NOT LISTEN TO POLKA MUSIC. GOALS: 1. TO GET THE COMMERCIAL OFF THE AIR WITH AS MUCH NOISE AND STINK AND KICKING AND SCREAMING AS POSSIBLE. 2. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION TO PROMOTE POLKA MUSIC AS RELEVANT AND EXCITING. 3. STOP THE STEREOTYPE. WE ARE TRYING TO SAVE A STYLE OF MUSIC AND WE ARE TRYING TO COMBAT IGNORANCE.